I am republishing this post (original post August 6, 2012) in celebration of - Supreme Court delivers wins for gay marriage movement
This is a small step in the right direction. I still think the following is a better option.
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Note: There are a few lines here you might find glib, but understand I wrote it with a (somewhat) humorous slant.
Get a CLUE
Or: A five-step
solution to the Gay Marriage debate (in 500 words or less)
I won’t bore you as to how we, as a
people, arrived at this juncture. I’ll get straight to it. We have divined a
smooth solution to the otherwise divided rocky road ‘marriage’ has become.
On the side of heterosexuality are
those who lay claim of the Divine ordination of one man, and one woman to
constitute a marriage. They also legitimately point to scripture that strictly
state the sin of homosexuality. It’s a religious thing. Check.
On the side of homosexuality are the
men and women who want the legal (federal) right to be acknowledged as a couple. However,
since nothing is simple when it comes to legalities in today’s society, that
acknowledgment would constitute incorporating the rights reserved strictly to
heterosexuals when it comes to government-recognized relationships. For
instance, ownership of property, insurance, wills, family titles, etc. It’s a
legal thing. Check.
So, how do we marry these two
opposing forces? In the same manner all oppositions are resolved. Compromise.
We submit our suggestion: Civil
Licensed Union (with) Expiration, or CLUE.
While it will not replace marriage
as a religious institution, it will replace the legalities of a recognized
union. If you get married without a CLUE, then yours won’t be a legal entity
in the eyes of the law. Because marriage is a term coined from religious minds
and, as everyone knows, the government stays out of our churches (that’s a
debate for another time, people!). This is how a CLUE would be broken down in
500 words or less.
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Civil Licensed
Union (with) Expiration
Heretofore
referenced as CLUE
1st Two
people meet and fall in love (or whatever). It doesn’t matter if they are man,
woman, black, white, or green with purple polka dots. Two people of adult age
and possessing the proper mental capacity to enter into a binding union, may.
Sorry, this does exclude Martians, Saturnians, dogs, cats, livestock or any
other non-human species. We do have to set standards.
2nd Once
their decision to get a CLUE is made, they must decide how long a CLUE they
want. It would be offered in increments of one, two, five, eight, ten and
twenty years. Of course the biggest leap would be the CLUE of a lifetime. Be aware,
a CLUE cannot be annulled, discarded or otherwise dissolved prior to the
expiration date. Period.
3rd The
couple must appear in person at the Clerk of the Circuit Court to complete the
CLUE application and be witnessed by a government official. This document would
replace the marriage license of old. The cost increases with the length of time
desired. The shorter the time frame, the cheaper the license. Each applicant
must complete his or her own addendum (CLUE-A and CLUE-B) to list every
possession owned prior to the CLUE process. No duplications (shared
possessions) shall be included.
4th When
the CLUE app is completed and approved, notarized, appropriate fees paid and
submitted, the government will then recognize the CLUE these two people share.
That recognition will come with every legal right now afforded ‘married’
individuals.
5th The
renewal of a CLUE must be made in the presence of the Clerk of the Circuit
Court prior to its expiration date. Any possessions acquired during the
previous CLUE must be added to the appropriate owner’s addendum. Once the
renewal CLUE app is completed and approved, notarized, appropriate fees paid
and submitted, the government will then continue to recognize the CLUE these
two people share.
But, what happens if a couple decide
the CLUE was a bad decision? Maybe they thought they wanted to get a CLUE, but
after six months of a year long CLUE, they want out?
No problem. They simply do not renew
their CLUE. They cannot be CLUE’d with another person until the expiration of
their current (sorry, lifers) and any possession whose ownership was not listed
in the addendum's and is in dispute must be sold and the profit split two ways.
No divorce court, no settlement disputes, and no alimony. You had a CLUE and
now it’s expired. Deal with it.
Children are another addendum. If a
child is conceived or adopted during a CLUE period, Addendum C (CLUE-C) must be
completed. The signature of the child’s responsible parental units, agreeing to
terms of custody and monetary support should the CLUE expire prior to the child
becoming of legal age, will be filed immediately.
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So concludes
our proposal for “A five step solution to the Gay Marriage debate (in 500 words
or less).”
After all, marriage is a private club
with specific membership requirements. Stop trying to sue your way into it.
It’s time for the government to get a clue, so we can get a CLUE.
