Monday, August 6, 2012

Get a CLUE Or: A five-step solution to the Gay Marriage debate (in 500 words or less)

I am republishing this post (original post August 6, 2012) in celebration of - Supreme Court delivers wins for gay marriage movement

 This is a small step in the right direction. I still think the following is a better option.


Note: There are a few lines here you might find glib, but understand I wrote it with a (somewhat) humorous slant.

Get a CLUE
Or: A five-step solution to the Gay Marriage debate (in 500 words or less)

            I won’t bore you as to how we, as a people, arrived at this juncture. I’ll get straight to it. We have divined a smooth solution to the otherwise divided rocky road ‘marriage’ has become.
            On the side of heterosexuality are those who lay claim of the Divine ordination of one man, and one woman to constitute a marriage. They also legitimately point to scripture that strictly state the sin of homosexuality. It’s a religious thing. Check.
            On the side of homosexuality are the men and women who want the legal (federal) right to be acknowledged as a couple. However, since nothing is simple when it comes to legalities in today’s society, that acknowledgment would constitute incorporating the rights reserved strictly to heterosexuals when it comes to government-recognized relationships. For instance, ownership of property, insurance, wills, family titles, etc. It’s a legal thing. Check.
            So, how do we marry these two opposing forces? In the same manner all oppositions are resolved. Compromise.
            We submit our suggestion: Civil Licensed Union (with) Expiration, or CLUE.
            While it will not replace marriage as a religious institution, it will replace the legalities of a recognized union. If you get married without a CLUE, then yours won’t be a legal entity in the eyes of the law. Because marriage is a term coined from religious minds and, as everyone knows, the government stays out of our churches (that’s a debate for another time, people!). This is how a CLUE would be broken down in 500 words or less.

Civil Licensed Union (with) Expiration
Heretofore referenced as CLUE

1st        Two people meet and fall in love (or whatever). It doesn’t matter if they are man, woman, black, white, or green with purple polka dots. Two people of adult age and possessing the proper mental capacity to enter into a binding union, may. Sorry, this does exclude Martians, Saturnians, dogs, cats, livestock or any other non-human species. We do have to set standards.

2nd        Once their decision to get a CLUE is made, they must decide how long a CLUE they want. It would be offered in increments of one, two, five, eight, ten and twenty years. Of course the biggest leap would be the CLUE of a lifetime. Be aware, a CLUE cannot be annulled, discarded or otherwise dissolved prior to the expiration date. Period.

3rd        The couple must appear in person at the Clerk of the Circuit Court to complete the CLUE application and be witnessed by a government official. This document would replace the marriage license of old. The cost increases with the length of time desired. The shorter the time frame, the cheaper the license. Each applicant must complete his or her own addendum (CLUE-A and CLUE-B) to list every possession owned prior to the CLUE process. No duplications (shared possessions) shall be included.

4th        When the CLUE app is completed and approved, notarized, appropriate fees paid and submitted, the government will then recognize the CLUE these two people share. That recognition will come with every legal right now afforded ‘married’ individuals.

5th        The renewal of a CLUE must be made in the presence of the Clerk of the Circuit Court prior to its expiration date. Any possessions acquired during the previous CLUE must be added to the appropriate owner’s addendum. Once the renewal CLUE app is completed and approved, notarized, appropriate fees paid and submitted, the government will then continue to recognize the CLUE these two people share.

            But, what happens if a couple decide the CLUE was a bad decision? Maybe they thought they wanted to get a CLUE, but after six months of a year long CLUE, they want out?
            No problem. They simply do not renew their CLUE. They cannot be CLUE’d with another person until the expiration of their current (sorry, lifers) and any possession whose ownership was not listed in the addendum's and is in dispute must be sold and the profit split two ways. No divorce court, no settlement disputes, and no alimony. You had a CLUE and now it’s expired. Deal with it.
            Children are another addendum. If a child is conceived or adopted during a CLUE period, Addendum C (CLUE-C) must be completed. The signature of the child’s responsible parental units, agreeing to terms of custody and monetary support should the CLUE expire prior to the child becoming of legal age, will be filed immediately.


So concludes our proposal for “A five step solution to the Gay Marriage debate (in 500 words or less).”
            After all, marriage is a private club with specific membership requirements. Stop trying to sue your way into it. It’s time for the government to get a clue, so we can get a CLUE.