Thursday, August 4, 2011

Welcome to the Land of Unemployment...

No doubt, this is a very harsh land to find yourself in.  No matter how you arrived (strutting, kicking and screaming, just woke up here) you will first traverse the Field of Terror. 

In the Field of Terror you will hear shouts of “How did I get here?!”, “What have I done?!” and “I can’t believe this is happening to me!”, as well as cries to various deities.  Some of those shouts will be coming from you.  You might get through this faster or slower than others.  Try not to judge.

Once you get through the terror, you will find yourself in the Alley of Depression.  It is a dark and scary place where the walls are closing in on you and failure is imminent.  Acceptance that you are fully in this land and determination that you will not live here for long might help speed the passage of this particular alley.  The best advice is to look up.  The sky is still there and the walls are not really moving toward you.  Once you recognize that you are in the Alley (and that can be very difficult) try to see the faces of possibility at the other end and get through this dark place as quickly as possible.

Once you leave the alley, you should find yourself in the wide Valley of Resignation.  This is where many people linger for too long.  It is a somewhat comfortable place after the field and the alley.  Here your fellow citizens will mutter phrases like, “I should have seen it coming.”, or “I could have done things differently.”  This would be the place to stand in line for something while not really trying or wanting to try.  Swapping horror stories of the Field of Terror or the Alley of Depression with those around you eases the monotony.

When you’ve resigned yourself to get through this valley, you will see the Foothills of Job Seekers.  Here you will find the going easy, for you are filled with determination, and friends and family will be cheering you on.  These hills are easily traversed for there is refreshment to be found at Interview Fountain.  After a sip your confidence is restored and you are strong again.  You are motivated to find your niche in the upcoming Mountain of Employment.  You shade your eyes as you look at the towering peaks and see the eagles soaring majestically along the craggy face.  ‘I can do this!’, you decide.  It is shortly after that you find yourself standing before the Cliffs of Frustration.

The Cliffs of Frustration have sent many back to the Valley of Resignation.  The hand holds that must be used to climb the face are rough and torturous.  No matter how firm a grip you feel you have on the situation, either your fingers will slip, a fellow citizen will step on you on their way up, or one of those damn eagles will buzz you so hard and fast you wish you were never born.  But if you can get past that, if you can hold fast, ignoring the pain, the insults, the crippling assaults to your ego, you just might find your very own Comfortable Niche on Employment Mountain.

Yes, there are some who just cross the boundary of this near impossible land and are swept up by the wings of those eagles before they even get to experience the Field of Terror.  To that I would say, ‘Congratulations.  On behalf of all the citizens of this nightmarish place to be we would like to add; Go to Hell!’

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