Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Coffee in One Hand, a Doob in the Other


Coffee in One Hand, a Doob in the Other

Sunday morning and I’m up at sunrise, with my sister Sue heavy on my mind. How she loved our road trips, which found us driving as the sun peeked over the horizon. Coffee in one hand and a doob in the other. I should tell you by the time we reached our 50's I didn't partake. I'll let you figure out if I mean the coffee or the pot.

Suzy had one helluva smile. I sometimes thought the sun must be jealous because it couldn’t compete with the beautiful light shining in her eyes. No matter how hard life beat her down, and it did so often, she came back with the same joy-filled smile, and a twinkle of mirth in her eye. She passed away a little more than a month ago. Suzy's smile won't be coming back this time.

The day I received the news of her passing is a permanent scar on my memory...

****

I answered the phone, even though I didn’t recognize the number. It was Sue’s friend McGee. She’s the sweetie that comes up to Orlando every so often with my sister Sue to visit.

From the tone of voice at her greeting, I knew something was wrong. Mimi McGee sounded as if she’d been crying. Fearful, I asked, “What’s up?”

“Suzy died.”

“What?”

“Suzy died.”

She could have been speaking Mandarin. The sounds she was making made no sense.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“Suzy Died!”

My brain finally allowed me to comprehend the language. Yes, she spoke English. She said two words. But they couldn’t be right. My sister under the skin, friends since the age of four, was dead? She must be speaking about another Suzy.

“Are you there? Honey, talk to me.”

This had to be one of Suzy’s stupid jokes. We had a falling out the last time we’d seen each other, but we had spoken on the phone since then. She must be behind this absurdity.

“Honey, sweetie, talk to me. Are you okay?”

I realized I wasn’t breathing. I sucked in air as if I’d been punched in the gut. My voice came out much louder than I’d intended. “Is this some kind of sick, fucking joke?”

“No, baby, it’s not. Suzy’s dead.”

I pictured Suzy standing behind McGee, with a triumphant grin on her face. She got me this time, although this was sadistic, even by her standards. My cheeks were wet with tears as my anger flared.

“Tell me this is a sick joke!” I shouted.

McGee’s voice cracked as she said, “I wish I could. It’s not a joke.”

“No, no, no." I began to pace, touching every solid object I passed to confirm this wasn't a nightmare and I might still be in bed sleeping. "Tell me this ISN’T a prank because this would be one fucking sick joke.”

“It’s not a JOKE. Jesus Christ! I wish I was there. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this on the phone.”

I lived three hours away from Sue and McGee. Had she driven all the way to my house with this news it would have been an exercise in futility, because, I wasn’t home. My family was not with me. Alone at the moment, I didn’t have anyone to fall against.

Mom passed in a hospital bed with me standing beside her. Dad later passed the same way. The reality of beeping monitors, nurses and doctors bustling around, family and friends crying, that was death, as I understood it. This phone call could not be real.

I had to get hold of myself. McGee was crying, too. My insane denials helped no one.

“I’ll call you back,” I said while trying not to sob in her ear.

“Please, talk to me. Tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m good! I’ll call you back.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, McGee, I’ll call you back.” I ended the call and dropped the phone.

Nothing made sense. I gripped a chair as the world spun dizzily. My knees grew weak, and I collapsed to the ground. Even then, I had to hold on to that chair, for fear of slipping into the black chasm that threatened to swallow me. Breath came in sobs that I had no control over. I curled into a fetal position, allowing the tears to pool onto the floor.

Suzy was dead? We will never again have sunrise road trips, coffee chats, hour and a half phone conversations about nothing and everything. Oh my God! I didn’t even ask how. She’s gone, what difference does it make HOW? My sister Suzy was dead? Why?

****

I found out later she fell asleep and simply didn't wake. I'm still a little perturbed about that. She got a "Get Out Of Life Easy" card. That's how I want to go. Well, in another twenty-five years or so.

I'm Fifty-three and lost my dearest, closest, best friend. The Sister-Friend that told me someday we would share a rest-home room together. Years of laughter-filled memories give me comfort, and offer me peace in the quiet solitude of grief.

Have you been blessed with a friend like that? Call them now. Get together and shoot the shit. Have some coffee. Toke a number. Whatever. Cuz, I hate to use an old cliché, but...You never know.


Monday, December 16, 2013

Amazon Kindle - Oh what a feeling! - Part Duex

Wow! What a roller coaster of emotions. Anyone who has uploaded their first book to Kindle must understand. I've been checking the status of sales, re-reading the manuscript, researching marketing tips, all of it. But then, one of my favorite author/reviewers sent me an email.

It had two pages of nits and typo fixes for the uploaded text. ARG!

There were some out-right, ridiculous errors and typos that completely escaped me. And they were things I'd changed and updated since the last time my professional editor saw it. So, it was all on me.

Oh well. They've been corrected and re-uploaded. McShane is, once again, "In Review" on Kindle. Once we go live, I'll post the new link here.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Amazon Kindle - Oh what a feeling!

I did it! After angst, anxiety, mistakes and more, my story, McShane Mini-Mysery - Billionaire at the Bar is now live on Kindle.

When the Kindle email came through informing me McShane was now (finally!) available online, I read it aloud to my husband. Then he said, "Your mama would have been proud."

Yeah, I cried.

Here's the announcement I've been sending out...


***


McShane Mini-Mystery, Billionaire at the Bar is now live on Kindle.

When the love of her life is viciously slain, Sam discovers secrets her lover kept which will change her life, for better and worse, forever. But can she stay one step ahead of the killer?

Do you only have a brief time to read, but still would like to read a complete mystery? Are you disappointed to find most “Mini-Mysteries” out there are targeted for children? Then you need to buy a copy of “Billionaire at the Bar”, the first of the McShane series of mini-mysteries for adults. The McShane Mini-Mysteries is a complete set of short and satisfying stories that adults can enjoy.

Go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HB6H6UI now to pick up your 99¢ copy of McShane Mini-Mystery, Billionaire at the Bar. 

*** 

So now, as I understand it, the real works begins. Yeah, like writing it was the 'easy' part. Nope, the hard part is marketing. Somehow, I have to let the world know this book is out there. Among the 300,000 books uploaded annually, my little tale will be drowned. 

Wish me luck!

Or, you could go buy a copy yourself. Thanks, :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

McShane


********************************************************************

Note to reader...

A couple of months ago, I entered a writing contest called "Summer Shootout". I came in fourth!

The contest entailed receiving a 'prompt' on Saturday, and having until the following Saturday to submit a short story. There really were no other rules, other than the deadline.

Some people have asked to read the stories I submitted, so I'm posting them here.

This story is for the second prompt given. "An angry woman, a silver platter and a cannon."

I wrote a short story titled, "Scavenge", submitted here as "McShane". It's a detective, murder/mystery piece.

Thanks for reading.

********************************************************************

McShane
by j l mo


            Sam fumbled for her ringing cell and cursed as it fell off of the nightstand. The ring tone belonged to her mom. She decided to leave the phone on the floor and let the call go to voice mail. Calling at nine o’clock in the morning on her day off deserved voice mail.
            The phone finally stopped ringing. She turned to her side and nuzzled down in the pillow as the cell announced with a beep a message had been left. The damn thing started ringing again. Mom was calling back. Then Sam remembered why Mom was calling so early. Her eyes popped open and she quickly sat up on the edge of the bed. She wanted Sam to go on a scavenger hunt with someone she’d just met yesterday. The whole thing sounded strange. She fumbled for the ringing phone on the floor.
            “Yes, Mom. I’m up.”
            “Samantha Angus McShane! You were supposed to be here already.”
            “C’mon, Mom, you said ten o’clock.”
            “I said we start at ten. You and I were going to have breakfast first.”
            Sam cursed again. She’d forgotten about that. “Sorry, Ma” Sam fell back on her bed. “I can still make ten. Tell me again why we’re doing this?”
            “I want you to meet Tom! Sam, he’s gorgeous and I know you two are meant for each other. I told him my single daughter is a detective, and then he told me about this scavenger hunt his church was holding. One team member has to find their two teammates through riddles. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Tom almost dropped out because his two friends couldn’t go, so I volunteered us!”
            Sam groaned. “Ma, how do you know he isn’t some scam artist?”
            “I just know. He says he goes to the First United Methodist Church and his Sunday school group is hosting this to raise money for the orphanage.”
            Sam smiled at her mother’s continued attempts to replace Amy. “Did you check out the guy like I suggested?”
            “Would you, for once, trust my judgment?” her mother said with a huff.
            “Ma, you know I hate riddles.” After a heavy sigh she dragged herself off of the bed and said, “I’m on my way to meet you.”
            “You don’t have to. Tom says we can start early and send you the first riddle by text. That way you don’t have to come all the way to his church to get it. The answer to the riddle will tell you where to go to get the second one. Don’t forget to take a picture to prove you found it. Since there are only four riddles total, we should be done in time to have lunch together. Okay?”
            “Yeah, Okay.”
            The first riddle came as a text message thirty minutes later. Sometimes Sam hated her own suspicious mind.

A park in town
turned upside down
take the shot
you’ll know the spot

            Sam hit the call back button to reach her mom. The call went to voice mail. Sam called her partner and asked him to run a background check on Tom Novak, her mom’s new friend.
            This first riddle was taking her to Soqquadro Park. Last year she cornered a scum named Aldo facing drug charges and a murder warrant in that very park. The barrel of his gun was pointed at Sam's head when she, her partner Charles, and half the police force took him out in a spray of bullets and blood. She lived, he died. Aldo’s partner River Nowak got away, but last known whereabouts put him somewhere in Southeast Asia.
            She found the second riddle before Charles called her back. Under the shrub where Aldo’s body had fallen she found a miniature set of stairs like one found on a large dollhouse. Each of the four wooden steps contained a carved sentence.

The bank got robbed
Women sobbed
your friend died there
on the stair

            Sam swallowed the lump forming in her throat. River Nowak was back, and he had her mom. Wasn’t killing Amy enough? She snapped the photo as her cell rang.
            Charles said, “Mr. Tom Novak is a white male of dubious descent, according to this photo, who flew into OIA last week. His current whereabouts are unknown. Sam, he came in from Bangkok.”
            Sam’s stomach clenched tighter. Straight from Southeast Asia. “Tell me true, Charles. Could the picture be River Nowak in disguise?”
            “Yeah, I’m afraid so.”
            “Shit! He’s got mom.” Sam started jogging toward her car.
            “I’ve got a couple of uniforms on their way to you.”
            She clenched her jaw, but tried not to let her frustration come through her voice. “You promised not to tell the Captain.”
            “Hold on now, I’ve kept my promise. I’ve spoken to Officer Smith and Officer Wesson. They volunteered to watch your back until more than just the two of them are needed.”
            “Alright, but tell them to keep their distance. We don’t know if Nowak’s got eyes on me or not.”
            “Done. What’s the next riddle?”
            “You’re not gonna believe this. River wants me to go to First National. I’m pretty sure the next clue will be on the staircase.”
            “What a sick son of a bitch. I’m calling the Chief as well as the Feds. Come on in, Sam. You’re too close to this. Let the FBI and the department handle matters from here.”
            “I will, but not now. The bastard’s drawing me in.” Charles was silent for a matter of moments. She added, “I’ll be careful.”
            “Fine, but I’m telling everyone to meet you at First National.”
            “Wouldn’t expect anything less, Charles.”
            “The bank’s been closed since the robbery. You want me to call the real estate company to go unlock a door?”
            Sam thought for a moment. “No,” she replied. “If River wants me inside, he’s left a way. Listen, I’ll check in, but definitely keep tabs on me, OK? It’s good to know Smith and Wesson have my back.”
            “I swear the Captain put them together just so we could say that.”
            “Bye, Charles.”
            The bank stood only a few blocks from the park. Aldo had stuck to his territory, and River was doing the same. First National occupied a corner of a two-story strip mall. She parked her car in front and removed her S&W J-Frame from the lockbox in the glove compartment.
            The front door was locked and the stairway couldn’t be seen though the windows from this angle. Sam watched a patrol car roll by in the reflection of the glass. She waited until they passed before she walked around to the back the building. The emergency exit door stood open.
            Careful not to touch the door or frame, she entered shouting, “This is the police! I am armed. Show yourself with your hands over your head!” Silence answered her. Keeping the weapon raised, she crept down the sunlit hallway and into the abandoned bank’s lobby. She glanced around the corner to the stairs on her left. On the third stair, right where Amy died sat a piece of paper on a small silver platter.
            The memory of that horrid day crashed on her. A lump in her throat threatened to burst as she blinked away the tears and swallowed hard. Memories of their life together painfully resurfaced. Amy had been buried for more than a year, along with Sam’s heart. Why would this sick son of a bitch do this? Amy was an innocent in the bank when Aldo and his buddies stormed in. Sam took several deep, cleansing breaths. Careful not disturb any evidence, she read the next clue.

the bar was filled
you were billed
the tab was paid
in the shade

            “Son of a bitch!” Sam shouted at no one. She snapped the picture and then called Charles. “The bastard wants me to go to the ruins of O’Malley’s.”
            “You got the riddle? Why did you go in? You should have waited. Now you’re gonna get your ass chewed. Stay there, the others should arrive any second. Don’t touch anything else!”
            “I haven’t touched a god damned thing, Charles. And I ain’t waiting. Do me a favor. Let them find this riddle on their own and figure out the meaning. Then they can chase me. Tell Smith and Wesson where I’m going, though. It was good to see them roll by.” Charles didn’t answer for a moment. Sam held her breath waiting for her partner’s decision to let her go on alone or not.
            Finally he said, “You cried in my arms for an hour on those stairs, Sam. I know how much you loved Amy. But your dying won’t bring her back, or bring your Mom home.”
            “I hear you. Will you keep them off my ass for another minute?”
            “Go. Please be careful.”
            “Thanks.” She didn’t bother to tell him she was already parking on a corner lot four blocks from the bank. This spot once held the most popular bar in town. The old oak tree here did not completely escape the massive flames that claimed so many lives. A portion of the trunk and branches still appeared singed. Somehow she, Amy, Charles, and his wife Isabella escaped the death trap that night. Sam was put through the ringer with Internal Affairs for the next six weeks.
            Under the tree sat another small silver platter holding the final riddle.

when you soared
the cannon roared
then came thunder
she’ll be under

            Sam read the paper twice. The patrol car driving by ever so slowly caught her attention. She realized she should be moving. Snapping the picture she got back in her car and drove away. The problem being, she had no idea where she was driving. The riddle made no sense. There was nothing her mind could recall tying Aldo, or River, to a cannon or soaring or thunder. After driving aimlessly for ten minutes, she called Charles.
            “What do you know about a cannon?”
            “There’s a cannon in Soqquadro Park.”
            “No there’s not.”
            “Yeah, they put a little one in about six months ago. A plaque says the thing was found on a sunken Spanish ship fairly close to shore.”
            “Shit!” Sam tried to find a place to turn her car around to go back to the park. “The bastard’s sent me on a wild goose chase and has probably been there the whole fucking time!”
            “I don’t want to interrupt an angry woman, but maybe you should come in and let the Feds handle this.”
            “Angry Woman?” Sam heard herself screech and didn’t care. “He’s got my fucking Mom, Charles! Angry fucking woman? Are you serious? I am going to get her back!”
            “You can’t get Amy back!” Charles’s screeching voice matched her own. The sound took her by surprise. She took several deep, very audible breaths. Charles sounded as if he were doing the same.
            “That was a low blow.”
            “I’m sorry.” Another moment he added, “Amy would demand you come back and you know it.”
            That much was true. Amy was as overprotective as her mom. “Okay. I’m calming down. Let’s think. Is the cannon in Soqquadro Park the only one in town?”
            “Wait. Read me the whole clue.”
            Sam didn’t have to read the clue. The words were carved into her memory. “When you soared, the cannon roared, then came thunder, she’ll be under”
            Silence stretched. Sam wanted to give Charles time to process it, but she began to think the call had dropped. “Are you there?”
            “Yeah. The clue is for me, Sam.”
            “Come again?”
            “I was flying back from Tallahassee. Isabella had taken the boys to the park. There was a break in at my house and someone blew up my Cannon gun safe. They stole my Bersa Thunder 380 and went on to kill four people. They found the damn thing in a dumpster.”
            “Oh my god! I remember! The dumpster at the fairgrounds! Have everyone meet me there!” She ended the call and took the next right turn. Her phone rang with ‘Unknown’ where the caller ID should be displayed.
            “Hello?”
            “Hello, Sam. Miss me?”
            “Who is this?”
            “I’m hurt. You don’t remember me?”
            “River?”
            “See, you do care.”
            “Where’s my mother?”
            “Well, she’s not with Amy. Yet.”
            “Where is my mother?” Sam screamed into the phone.
            “Tut-tut, such anger. No small talk? No ‘how ya been?’, ‘whatcha been up to?’ That kind of thing?”
            “You mother fucker!”
            “Oh, heavens no! Mother killer, sure. But fucker? Not my thing.”
            She was only another couple of miles from the fairgrounds. Taking a deep breath she asked again, “Where is my mother?”
            “Didn’t Charles give you the answer to my last riddle? I admit, I’m no poet, but I couldn’t have made it much clearer.”
            “What does Charles have to do with this?”
            “Now I’m really hurt. He didn’t tell you about us? Shame on Charles.”
            “What are you talking about?”
            “Charles and I were together for a while. He was everything to me. I would have given him the world. Then he turned straight for Isabella. Aldo was a dear, but I never got over losing Charles.”
            “What?”
            “See, now you’re getting the picture.”
            “No, I’m not.”
            “Charles broke my heart and made my life miserable. I, in turn, made life miserable for everyone he loved. Isabella was supposed to be home that day I got his Thunder, but I still had fun.”
            “You killed Amy to hurt Charles? You sick mother fucker!”
            “We’ve already gone over that part. Besides, Amy was just a happy coincidence.”
            The screech returned to Sam’s voice. “Where is my mother?”
            “Go to the fairgrounds. Mrs. McShane is on the southeast corner, tied to a chair. Behind her is the dumpster where I returned Charles’s Bersa Thunder to him. The one I gave him as a Christmas present all those years ago. Tell him to look under the dumpster for his next gift. She’s kind of messy. You might want to bring some extra cleaning supplies.” The phone went dead. Sam hit the call back and heard an automated voice tell her there is no such number. She called Charles.
            “Where’s Isabella?” Sam asked.
            “At work. Why?”
            “You should have told me about you and River.”
            “What? Wait. Why? No, there’s nothing to tell! Besides, it was ancient history! Why? Oh my god. What’s happened to Bella?”
            “Charles, this wasn’t about me or my mom. It’s been about you all along. Go get your kids. I think something’s happened to their mom.”

********************************************************************

Note to my dear reader; I hope you’ve enjoyed this. I've had so much fun with Sam, I decided to make this a chapter in my next book.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Death, Taxes, and Health Insurance


Die, Pay Taxes, and Get Health Insurance

My mother taught me there are only two things you have to do. Die and pay taxes. I guess now there are three. Die, pay taxes, and get health insurance.

I am Without Party Affiliation. I don’t go to either party. But I do pay attention to what our government is doing. And what they’re doing these days is downright disturbing. I refer, of course, to the newest mandate, uh, sorry, tax, that is being assessed.

According to a USA Today article (http://usat.ly/KVkuEL) this morning...

“...White House chief of staff Jack Lew said the mandate would affect only 1% of Americans, the people who can afford to buy health insurance but don't...”

Here’s the thing...I have a friend who is a hairdresser. Lovely woman, would give the shirt off of her back for anyone in need, although, she is usually the one most in need. She has three jobs (cleaning houses for the elderly are her other two jobs) and barely makes it above the poverty level. But, she is above the poverty level, according to the US government standards.

She does not have health insurance. She can not afford both health insurance and her nominal daily living. But, according to the US government, she is a one-percenter.

Recently, she was hospitalized with pneumonia. Admitted for six days, she is only just now receiving her medical bills. So far, she’s into it for $12,000.00. She hasn’t gotten the doctors bills yet. While there, they reviewed her financial status to discern if she qualified for any of the myriad of support services out there.

She didn’t. She’s a one-percenter. She’ll be paying that $695.00 ‘tax’ and still be into it for 12K plus.

Ron Pollack, director of Families USA said...The $695 fee is less than what most people pay now because of the uninsured. Health providers don't turn away people who need but can't pay for it. Providers must then swallow the cost of paying for that care, and those costs are passed to other consumers.

Ack! Wait! What? Can you repeat that for me? I must have blinked. Does that mean my friend doesn’t owe the 12K?

“...The $695 fee is less than what most people pay now because of the uninsured...Providers must then swallow the cost of paying for that care, and those costs are passed to other consumers...”

Bwahahahaha! Oh, stop! You’re killing me! (gasp) Bwahahahaha!

OK. No, I’m alright. Woo! That was funny. Wait’ll I tell my friend.
Ooo! Mr. Pollack! Over here! I have a question! Does this mean, that with the passage of the mandate, we WON’T be paying additional fees anymore? Will our premiums (those costs that are passed on to ‘other consumers’) be going down?

Oh. Not according to this lady...

“...Alissa Fox, senior vice president for the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association of health insurers, said a Joint Committee on Taxation study said premiums for families would increase $350 to $400 a year because of a health insurers' tax...”

So much for that. Insurance will now be even further from my friend's reach. She receives the bills from the hospital in the mail. She pays however much she can ($5 to $25 a month). But the bill/debt is still hers. As long as she has an address to send them to, she still has to pay. So, if she lives in a tent, (read: homeless) with no mailing address, will she qualify for this 'assistance' then?

And on a final note for this eye-opening article...

“...average premiums for a 27-year-old are much lower now than they are for a 64-year-old. The law removes age discriminatory language, so everyone will pay more comparable rates...”

Now class, here’s the question; Do you think the 64-year-old will pay less, or, (keeping in mind the track record that the government and insurance industry has set) do you think the 27-year-old will pay more? What? You believe the 27-year-old will be charged the same as the 64-year-old is now?

You are a smart class.

And now, on a more somber note; another article in USA Today (http://usat.ly/QTflgg) reads...

“...Jan Crawford of CBS News, citing "two sources with specific knowledge of the deliberations," reports that Roberts indeed switched his vote after siding with four other conservative justices who supported striking down the law.

Roberts then withstood a month-long, desperate campaign to bring him back to his original position, the sources said," reports Crawford....”

Which leaves me with only one question. That would be for Supreme Court Justice John Roberts.

Whose check was it that cleared a month ago? I mean, if someone can afford a Supreme Court Judge, they should be allowed to advertise the fact.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

She's Gone

Dedicated to those who still have the opportunity to reach out and hug your mom. Some of us never can again.

A random sight
a flash of pain
stops me cold
reminds me
she’s gone

A child reaches
grasps its mothers hand
Both laugh, something between them
The sting of loss
Pierces my heart

Breath stolen
for a moment
I fight the tears
always hidden
Why now?

A mask, my brave expression
I have children of my own
never again my mother’s touch
I had it once
some never did

It’s hard to walk
harder to breathe
swallowing hard
smile at them
Don’t cry

Mother died, long ago
decades passed,
longer spaces between random waves
that returns me
to my mothers side

Knees find strength
I carry on
her final words
“You will be fine”


She’s gone

Monday, September 12, 2011

A Child

“I'm scared,” his voice whispered.
“There's no need to be.”

“Will I know when?” he choked.
“We'll just wait and see.”

“It seems very dark here.”
“I know, take my hand.”

“Will you stay here with me?”
“Son, right to the end.”

Monitors sounds turned off,
the room was silent.

Our son, through sickness,
had been compliant.

Through all of the testing,
we’d fought for two years.

Now, his mom stood by him,
just fighting her tears.

Her voice having fled her,
not backing away,

from our son’s final breath,
but nothing to say.

His little hand convulsed,
as he gasped for air.

A tear rolled from his eye
and into his hair.

“It seems to be darker.”
“I'm sorry, my dear.”

“The pain doesn't hurt now.”
“That’s so good to hear!”

“I see a little light,
I think I should go.

But I'm so scared daddy,
I want you to know.

I love you and Mom both,
with all of my heart.”

“We love you too, baby.
We can’t change that part.”

His little hand went limp,
with a final sigh.

His labored breathing stopped.
I said my goodbye.

She fell upon his bed,
crying in her grief.

She held his still body.
But found no relief.

My wife cried out her pain,
“Our son is dead!”

I sat down, held them both
Words could not be said

His life was why we lived.
His joy knew no end.

His laughter known by all,
he sang songs with friends.

I pulled her off his bed.
She fought to hold on.

“Please, darling, let him go.
His last breath has drawn.”

“We’re supposed to go first!”
She screamed through her tears.

“He should have lived longer!
He had only eight years!”

One more child taken,
one more child gone.

His life did enrich us.
We’ll still hear his song.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Watching Paint Cure


There was a challenge to write a story to make the most uninteresting thing to do, interesting. What is the most uninteresting thing to do? Watch Paint Dry.

********
Watching Paint Cure

Stanley Santini had been working with paint for as long as he could remember. His dad opened this store in their small town of Springfield in 1952. When Stan’s father was alive, he was known as a master mixer of house paint, for inside or out. People came to him for a specific shade that no other man seemed able to create. Stan’s father taught him the science of mixing. Others called it talent because it wasn't a skill that everyone could learn.

When Stan was a small boy, he came to work with his dad on the weekends. He loved to watch this miracle worker of paint the people spoke of. Some ladies would come with their husbands and bring material they were using to upholster their furniture. They asked his dad to match the color in the sample and he would create the exact shade, every time.

As he grew, his father allowed him to go to the mixing room in the back and get sample swatches to bring to the customer out on the sales floor. No one else was allowed back there. A placard mounted next to the door reads: Insurance Regulations Prohibit Customers Beyond this Point.

His responsibilities increased with his age. When Stan became a teenager one of his proudest moments was being allowed to operate the machines unsupervised. Stan worked in the mixing room, gently pulling and pushing the levers, squeezing out the pigment in ever-smaller increments to mix into the original can, until the shade matched the exact color the customer had requested. He handed the gallon to his father who gave an approving nod. Which was as much praise as his father would ever give.
“Now, Mr. Smith,” his father would lecture at the close of the sale, “remember to let this cure completely before you put on the second coat. I would hate to see you break the skin and have to start from scratch.”

“Come on, Mr. Santini, you’ve taught me well,” the chided customer would respond defensively. “I promise not to put on the second coat until the first is dry.”

“No, not dry, Mr. Smith. Cured. Paint cures. The surface quality reflects another shade once spread out and exposed to air. It cures,” his father corrected for the hundredth time.

“Yes, Mr. Santini, cured. Got it. Thank you and good day.”

Stanley loved when his father explained to people the science of paint. Some did not understand, and his dad had to explain it over and over again, until they did, or until they pretended to get it. Stan knew which customer understood and which didn’t. He wasn’t sure his dad did.

Then there was Dr. Lawrence Averill, who did understand and pretended he didn’t. He and his little brat Tommy would come into the paint store once a month, just to make fun of his dad.

“So, what you’re telling me, Mr. Santini,” Dr. Averill would say in a patronizing tone, “is paint does not dry, but cures.”

“Yes, doctor, as we discussed when you were here last time. Paint does not dry.”
“It cures.”

“Yes, sir. If it simply dried, then when it got wet, it would run. Paint cures. That’s what I am trying to tell you,” he explained to Dr. Averill, again. This somehow amused the doctor and his son. Tommy would giggle behind his hand and his father would bend low and say to his son, “What have I told you about manners?”

Whatever he was told, Stan decided, the lessons didn’t take.

Stan had two best friends growing up, Petey and Bobby. They played together during school recess, ate lunch together, spent the night at each other’s houses. But Tommy the Tormentor tried to make their childhood hell. He was the rich-kid bully everyone hated. No one could have anything as nice as Tommy, or know as much as Tommy, or been to Spain like Tommy. Tommy Averill began to follow Stan and his two friends around school, calling them names, pushing them down. Even in high school, the girls he tried to date were subjected to Tommy’s rude insults when they were with Stan.

The town had grown up, grown out and gone by the time his old man passed away and the store became his.  He had endured a great deal of ribbing from some classmates for hanging onto a passing industry.


His best friend Pete graduated from state college moved away and now sends him Christmas cards every year with pictures of his wife and children. His other friend Bob followed his dream of being an actor, moved to California and now sends him Christmas cards every year with pictures of his significant other with their adopted son.

Stanley chose to stay in Springfield. He knew his parents didn’t make enough money to send him to college. They also didn’t make enough to hire anyone else to help at the store. At least Stanley did still enjoy the artistry of the paint, and he enjoyed being his own boss. He never married, since Tommy chased off any girl Stan might have been interested in. So he only had himself and his mother to support.

Stan was seriously thinking of giving up on the family business. Bills were unpaid and collection calls were becoming more frequent. The big-box store that opened down the street had stolen all of his customers. He knew some improvements had to be made to the place to remain competitive, but he was struggling to pay the monthly bills. How the hell could he afford to remodel? But, the terrazzo floor hadn’t been polished in thirty years, the ballasts in the florescent fixtures had been going out one at a time until the place was nearly in the dark, not to mention the moldy drywall in the mixing room.

Stan did have a professional appraisal done on this property last year and the ground it sits on is worth $60,000.00, without the store. The store itself was near worthless. He knew it was on his shoulders to get this place back in shape if he wanted to keep it open.

He had begun his store improvement do-it-yourself project by pulling out the old, moldy drywall  from the mixing room. To his surprise, the original builder had walled up a space the size of a broom closet. The new Dynomix Multi-Size Gyroscopic Mixer he wanted would fit perfectly there. Stan knew the space wasn’t really the problem that kept him from it, though, the lack of money was.

Doctor Thomas Averill has been persistent with his offer to buy the store, but at half the price Stan could get on the open market. Besides, he would never sell to Tommy the Tormentor.
Although, Tommy was his most regular customer, even if he only came to torment him. As if summoning him by thought, his most frequent tormentor was about to walk in now.

Stan slipped into the mixing room hoping to avoid him.

The old fashioned chime mounted above the door rang pleasantly as Dr. Thomas Averill came in. Tommy the Tormentor cleared his throat and made a loud cough to call attention to the fact he was here. Stan clenched his fists in his hiding spot. If he had to listen to this blow-hard make a low-ball offer on his father’s paint store one more time, he didn’t know what he’d do. He would rather go bankrupt than let this cretin have it for any amount of money.

Stan didn’t respond so Tom started ringing the bell on the counter next to the cash register. He let him ring the damn thing a couple of times. He knew no sale would be coming from this jackass. Tommy just wanted to pitch buying this place, again.

After the fifth ring, Tom yelled, “Stan, I know you’re back there! C’mon! I need to buy some paint. I can go to the big store down the street. It’d be cheaper!”

“Then go!” called Stan from the back room.

To his shock, Tommy walked into the mixing room, wearing his Gucci best.

“Hey, you can’t be back here,” snapped Stan. “Insurance regulations require all customers to remain in the sales area. Out on the floor with you. You might get hurt.”

“Yes, I see the imminent danger all around me. Perhaps a yellowed ceiling tile may fall on my suit. More likely the asbestos from this place would kill me,” he replied with a sadistic grin.

Stan’s dad died from cancer. A doctor told him and his mother it may have been from exposure to asbestos. Dr. Thomas Averill was the expert witness for the company Stan and his mother sued. They lost. Tom found a way to mention this almost every visit.

“What do you want?”

“Now, Stan, why so hostile? I’m here to make you a friendly, final offer. I’ll have my people draw up the paperwork and hand you a check tomorrow for $15,000.00 as half payment to buy this building.”

“Go to hell. I told you before, I’m not selling.”

“Stanley, be realistic. I’m trying to be a friend here. You’re drowning in debt. You have no ties to this place since your father died five years ago. Why don’t you want to sell? You can take the money and run.”

“I’ve told you before asshole, I would rather be buried here than sell my father’s business to you!”

“Oh, no, you still don’t understand. I don’t want the paint business. I want the ground it sits on.”

“I understand fine. Now take your ‘offer’ and get the fuck outta my store.”

“Tsk, tsk, Stanley. Your mother would wash your mouth out with soap using that language.”

“Leave my mother out of this!”

“I’m only trying to help. Thirty thousand dollars is a very generous offer.”

“The hell it is! I told you to get out!”

The two men stared at each other through a long stretch of silence. Stan fought the urge to punch Tommy’s face. His stupid voice was so soft these days, no matter how angry you got him. It made Stan feel like an idiot for losing his cool.

“Look,” Tom said, breaking the tension. “I do want some paint. Can you match the color of this coat? I wore this expensive suit here just so you could match the color. Gina wants her closet painted this exact shade of charcoal gray, and I want to surprise her with it.”

Gina had been Stan’s girlfriend at the end of high school. She and Tom went on to college and came back married. Gina still held a special place in Stan’s heart. If the paint was for her, he would do it. He couldn’t blame her for what Tommy the Tormentor has done all his life. He sighed heavily and motioned for Tom to take off the jacket.

After mixing a perfect combination of colors to match the coat exactly, Stan tapped the lid onto the gallon of paint. They still stood in the mixing room, with Tom watching every move Stan made. On one hand, Stan was proud of his professionalism. Proud of the skill he had acquired over the many years of serving in the paint industry. On the other hand, Tom made him uncomfortable in his own store. The expression on his face was not admiration.

“See,” said Tom as Stan handed him the gallon, “we can work together. Come on, sell me this place.”

Stan ignored Tom’s words and recited his father’s admonishment as he pulled the four-inch paint stirrer from the mixer, “remember to let this cure completely before you put on the second coat. I would hate to see you break the skin and have to start from scratch.”

“Yes, Mr. Santini,” said Tom with mocking disdain. “I’ll let it dry completely.”

Stan replied through gritted teeth, “Cure. Paint cures. The surface quality reflects another shade once spread out and exposed to air,” gripping the rod hard as the blades dripped with the charcoal gray paint.

“Listen, Bozo,” sneered Dr. Averill, “I cure. Paint dries!”

“Cure this!”

                                      ***

Stanley Santini put the finishing touches of the first coat on the mixing room’s new wall. Installing drywall in the middle of the night was the biggest problem he had with the whole fiasco of the former Dr. Thomas Averill. The closet space may have been a bit confining for a full-grown man’s body, but it served its purpose.

He resumed his seat in the chair facing his charcoal gray, blood red creation. He hadn't been sure how blood might interact with the flat texture. It turned out to be pretty nice. His old mixer did handle the job quite well. Maybe he didn’t need a new one, after all.

Perhaps this whole room might need a second coat. He would watch the paint cure, and then decide if a second coat would be necessary or not.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

unknowing

On this stormy day in Central Florida I've been reminded of Daniel, my father-in-law who lived with us. He died almost a month ago. My husband and I are struggling with the grief, knowing it was his time, knowing he's in a better place, but not knowing how very much we would miss him.



life’s losses, deep and sad
I mourn, unknowing

I lash out, at those near
intent, unknowing

heart broken, hidden deep
cry out, unknowing

no solace can be found
if you’re unknowing

tears falling, now are seen
your arms, unknowing

hold me now, let me cry
with you, unknowing