The Lie of Cats in the Cradle

"Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin from the album Verities & Balderdash

“My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew

He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad

You know I'm gonna be like you…”

* * *

This song, released at the end of 1974, has touched the hearts of millions. I first heard Cats in the Cradle at the tender age of fourteen. Being a young girl, I wondered about the Mom. She would be the ‘usual way’ referenced so dismissively in the second line. That the mother is there during the father’s disconnection is implied, right? I mean, the boy didn’t learn to walk and talk from apes.

Later in life I married, had two sons, divorced, and then married again. You know, “the usual way” in today’s terms. Rather than whine about the now-divorced relationship, I’ll sum it up with a quick (quasi-funny) story from before the divorce.

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Animaniacs Return!

Animaniacs Return!

A review/recap of Episode One

The first thing I do at six in the morning (when I usually get up), is check out my news feeds. There were the regular reports of murder, mayhem, and of course the general buffoonery of politicians. But then, lo, and behold, I learned the Animaniacs were given a new home on Netflix! All ninety-nine episodes have been picked up. Be still my heart.

If you don’t know who or what I’m referring to, go to this link, Animaniacs, and when you’ve finished catching up, come back to this article.

Now, there are two basic types of fans of these three Warner siblings. The first group are the children who enjoyed the zany humor and lessons offered from Tom Ruegger’s group of animators. The second being the parents who sat with them. 

That’s the group I fall in. The ‘rents.

I loved the show. The more subtle adult jokes went right over the heads of my two young sons, I was certain. Of course, in later years, I found that wasn’t necessarily the case. I was much younger then, and confident in my knowledge of what children might perceive.

Then, I watched the first episode of the first season, more than twenty years later. You live, you learn.

The opening song is a catchy little ditty. Throughout the seasons, the lyrics would be slightly altered to fit the current events. One line of lyrics from the opening goes “Wakko packs away the snacks/While Bill Clinton plays the sax.” If you’re unfamiliar with the reference, you can check out old episodes of a talk show called Arsenio Hall. No, Hillary did not appear with her husband.

The entire show comprised of short skits, original music, and silliness. Steven Spielberg had a thirty-five piece orchestra play an original score for every episode. The music is still with me to this day.

The first episode feature was titled “Zanitized” and it offered a flavor of what was to come. Dr. Otto Scratchansniff was explaining to Dot Warner the Rorschach test he wanted her to take. In the explanation, he told her she should tell him what she saw. This is a still of the scene during the exact point in the conversation.

***

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Commiseration with "I am grateful now f* off"

I'm a mother of two grown sons, and after I read a blog post titled "I am grateful now fuck off" I had to share this.

     I tell this true story to both of my grown sons about a time in their infancy. Yes, it happened twice.

***

     You were just over a year old. I worked a full time job, and had all of the other responsibilities that go with being a young wife and mother.

     In the course of two weeks, because of you, no one in the house had slept more than three hours straight. Your wails at two a.m. were the stuff of legend! We visited the doctor, only to be told it’s "a phase", and you would grow out of it. In the meantime, sleep deprivation had started taking its toll on me.

     On one late night/early morning wake up scream, you’d been changed, fed, rocked, sang to, and pleaded with, all to the ear splitting screeches of your protests. At one point, I held you at arm’s length to protect myself from your furiously kicking feet. Your face became fire-engine red as you inhaled for another round of gut wrenching, head spinning, glass-shattering screams.

     “What?” I howled in frustration. “The doctor said there’s nothing wrong!” At that point, I had an Ally McBeal moment.

     50-somethings will recognize this reference. For those younger, let’s call it a Scrubs moment.

     In my mind’s eye, in the midst of the screeching, and kicking, and tears (mine), a barbaric roar escapes my lips as I hurl you into the wall above your bed. A cartoon outline remains in the drywall as you fall face-first into your crib.

     Reality flash. I’m still holding you aloft, you’re still screaming. I lay you, ever so gently, into your bed, and walk away, closing the door behind me.

     You screamed for another ten minutes, alone in the dark, my heart breaking for you, and the horribly funny image still burned in my mind. Then your screams turned to whimpers, your whimpers slowly falling to silence.

     Shhh! The baby’s sleeping! I thought to myself as I danced up and down the hallway at four in the morning. As I laid in my bed later, the crushing guilt of what I'd thought while holding my screeching infant made me feel like a monster.

     I called my mom the next day and told her the story of my disturbing fantasy. She laughed and told me I should be grateful that I have kids with healthy lungs. Standing three hundred miles away from her, I threw her from the top of the Empire State Building.

     I tell you this story to let you know, those Ally McBeal moments are okay. It’s even okay to be frustrated to the point of wishing you never had kids. And, if you ever stand in their room at two in the morning, feeling like throwing them into a wall, just lay them down gently, and walk away.

     You can be grateful later.

Grandkid’s in Paradise

I’m finally a Nana! Woo-Hoo! But, there’s always a drawback, isn’t there? I live in Florida, and the kids are currently stationed in Hawaii with the military. I just returned from my visit and won’t see them again for another year. So, this one’s for them.

(To the tune of "Welcome to Paradise" by Green Day. Follow the original lyrics here)

Grandkid’s in Paradise

Lyrics by JL Mo

Grown children

can you hear me whining?

Hawaii’s far away

and I cannot go back

this sudden ache has left me trembling

cuz my first grandkid’s too far away to reach

on some Hawaiian beach

I have waited for too long

to reach this point in life

some call it old

I call it grand

but life takes some strange turns

and now it hurts to think about

Grandkid’s in Paradise

I love my home state here in Florida

I would not live another place on God’s green earth

but now you’re stationed in Hawaii

and to my first grandkid

you now have given birth

So tell me what that’s worth

I have waited for too long

to reach this point in life

some call it old

I call it grand

but life takes some strange turns

and now it hurts to think about

Grandkid’s in Paradise

Dear children

can you hear me laughing?

It’s been three whole years since

the two of you left home

But now your two became a threesome

Your child now in tow,

Promise you’ll never go

Promise you’ll never go

I have waited for too long

to reach this point in life

some call it old

I call it grand

but life takes some strange turns

and now it hurts to think about

Grandkid’s in Paradise

Heart-Wrenching Joy

I knew that my son, Al, and his wife, Jen, were trying for their first child. That they lived on the other side of the planet only slightly diminished my joy. This would be my first grandchild.

One afternoon my phone rang. My heart leapt when the caller ID showed it was my son. My heart clenched when I heard his voice.

"Mom," he gasped. I knew he'd been crying.

"What is it, son?"

"Um..." His voice cracked.

My heart broke as I heard him trying to control his breathing. "Just blurt it out, Al. What is it?"

"Jen was pregnant."

Three words. The silence stretched as my head spun. Was. The word that stole his breath had now stolen mine. My poor baby. Oh! Poor Jen. I swallowed hard and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Another moment of quiet passed. I heard traffic, and knew he was driving. "Is Jen with you now?"

"No, I was at work when she called. I'm driving to get her and take her to the hospital now."

"Son, I cannot think of a thing to say that won't sound like a platitude. But please, know that I will keep you in my prayers."

"Thank you, momma." I recognized his attempt to swallow his tears.

"You'll call me just as soon as you know Jen is OK?"

"Yes, ma'am."

For the next hour and a half I stressed over what might have happened. How Jen must be suffering. I'd never experienced a miscarriage, but I'd held the hand of women who have. Jen's pain could not be understated. My tears finally slowed. My breathing finally evened out. I couldn't wait any longer. I called him.

"Baby, how's Jen?"

"We're just leaving for the hospital. I'll call you when I know something."

That's what I get for being impatient. I took a deep breath, resumed pacing.

Another hour went by. Another hour of pacing, of tears from imagining what Al and Jen must be suffering.

Finally, the call came. My heart raced as I stared at the caller ID. After a deep breath, I answered in as a smooth a voice as I could. "Hi, baby. How's Jen?"

"They found a heartbeat." 

With those four words I almost dropped the phone. I couldn't speak. My heart raced as my head swam.

"Mom? Did you hear me?"

"Oh my God! Baby! Congratu-friggin-lations!" We shared a moment of joy-filled laughter. Then I asked, "So, Jen is OK?"

"Yeah, she's good. Listen, you can't tell anyone until we're sure the baby is fine."

"Arg!"

"Promise!"

"Fine!"

"OK.  I've got other phone calls to make, but I'll call you later, OK?"

And that was the announcement of my first grandchild's arrival. I can only hope that this little devil doesn't make a habit through its lifetime of this kind of introduction.  It'll kill me! 

Surprise!

Surprise!

My life rocks. No, that’s not the surprise.

Once upon a time, my life sucked. I can attest to this for any number of reasons, most of which were my own doing. Anyway, as with most folks at some point, my life sucked.

However...

The good Lord saw fit to allow me enough time on this earth to grow up. Seriously, I should have kicked it long ago. Many others whose lives suffered similarly are gone. But, here I am, and I gotta say again, my life rocks!

Part of the reason for how great my life is would be the blessing of my two sons. This cannot be overstated. They share a close relationship, are supportive of one another, have wonderful marriages, love their mama, and put family first.

My oldest son accompanied his beautiful, army-solider wife when deployed to Hawaii. Good for them, but their leaving broke my heart. The rest of the family lives here in Florida, so the move put us apart by almost half the world. I am so heartbrokenly happy for them.

My youngest son and his gorgeous wife, who is a nurse, live about twenty minutes away. They were married last year, and they are already buying their own home this year! Icing on the proverbial cake? They plan on starting a family soon.

I could not be more proud of my boys.  Again, my life rocks!

On a recent Saturday, I had to go to the store. My husband offers if I wait and go tonight, he would go with me in order to avoid the crowd. Shrugging, and somewhat surprised he would volunteer such a thing, I settle back in front of my laptop and keep writing.

Soon a knock comes to the door, and as I approach I call “Who is it?’

My youngest calls back, “It’s me.”

I open the door and I ask, “Why didn’t you use your key?”

“Cuz I brought a friend.”

He was standing on the porch alone. I glanced past him to his car in the driveway. No one sat in it, so I looked at him questioningly. Then, from around the corner, out pops his brother from Hawaii! I couldn’t breathe. I stood frozen, with my hand still on the door and my eyes bulging. I’m still processing the fact that my two sons are standing on my front porch together as I’m told my entire family worked to get him home for a week as a surprise for me!

Surprise! My life rocks.