New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths

Okay, you got me.

I read this entire article, got myself all worked up, wrote a three paragraph retort in the Facebook comments, then realized it was from The Onion. Ugh! How embarrassing!

In my defense, it was six in the morning, I hadn't slept well, and I needed something to read. Next time I'll turn to the BBC, not Facebook. And yes, I deleted it within sixty seconds of posting my ridiculous comment.

To be fair, it is an amusing article. Here's the link, and here's hoping you laugh.

New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths

One of the comments in the fb feed that I'd gotten this from said, "Onion or not... Is it reeeeeeally that far off base??"

Yeah, the person that posted that comment has kids.

A New Shed in Florida

An old, rusty, metal shed that had sat in the backyard for over twenty years, needed to be replaced. The bent and nearly broken door sounded like nails on a chalkboard whenever it was moved along its track. Dart and I agreed it was time to let the old thing go.

First we did the techno-savvy thing and researched the sheds we liked online. Okay, Dart researched the sheds he liked, and showed me the ones he came up with. And, as you know, I am fully compliant, and submissive, and subservient. So, anything my husband wants is fine by me.

*snicker*

Anyway… The shed we agreed on was this gorgeous thing that looked like a little house. Well, kind of. The manufacturer, “TKO” (an alias) out of Canada, provided details of the product leaving no question unanswered, complete with a presentation of how to put the whole thing together. The two people in the video assembling it never even broke a sweat. The fact they were building it indoors, and she wore a scarf that never moved, should have been a heads up. But, hindsight is 20/20, isn’t it?

After deciding that we want this shed (we’ll call it TK), we began the process of purchasing it. Surprise, surprise. They won’t sell it directly to us. A major department store in the US is the sole distributor of this product. I won’t name names, but the major department store rhymes with Tears.

We went in to find the model TK we wanted, but they didn’t have one set up. The rep positively gushed about what a fantastic wood/plastic composite shed this was, and the price could not be beat. We agreed, after all, we’d done the research. Since we’re ordering it, and planning on assembling it ourselves, the only real drawback would be if we needed to order replacement parts. He told us that could take a while, so he suggested we order such things through TKO, rather than Tears. We nodded. A word to the wise is sufficient. Taking a deep breath, we ordered the shed, on faith that it was everything the website, and the Tears rep, claimed.

Three weeks later, the boxes arrived.

 

This is the time to open each, and every one of these boxes, and take an inventory of every single item.

We didn’t.

First, the instruction manual. In today’s world, we do not have “Tab A into Slot B” type instructions. No. Now, it’s “Part MODFL connects to MODF9 with SC14.” And that is my interpretation, because there are very few actual words in this forty-six page book. It is ALL diagrams. Here's an example.

So, after lengthy discussions regarding the placement of the floor onto the foundation we’d built, and dodging the thunderstorms (Florida, remember?), it did take a while, but once we determined which pieces were needed for the floor, we began our project.

We moved along at a brisk pace. And by brisk, I mean we could only work on the weekends, and then only when the sky wasn’t shooting lightning bolts at us.

I’ll admit, I grew more than a little frustrated, and irritated as this thing was being put together. Dart is a stubborn man who feels a bit chaffed at being told that he might be wrong. (I know, right?) So, for me, being a stickler for the instructions, had the misfortune of explaining that TKO did not agree with him on a couple of assemblage points. He eventually agreed with TKO. Not with me, of course, but with TKO.

A good three weekends went by of hard work, sweat, mutual frustration, cursing, occasional blood, and then we unpacked this…

Yes, we should have inventoried the boxes. Yes, the corners are very, very, important. Yes, the entire project came to a standstill.

Following the Tears rep’s original advice, we tried to order through TKO. They sent us back to Tears, where it was explained to us (via email) that the part we need is on backorder. Of course it is. It’s part of the wall. What company would keep extra inventory of such non-important things like wall slats? ARGH!

In the four weeks and two days it took to get the replacement part, the floor had started to warp. We placed cinderblocks to counteract the bend, but it was going to be a struggle.

We had tried to ignore the giggles from the neighbors, who had decided that we weren’t going to ever finish the thing. It grew to be quite the embarrassment.

After the parts did arrive, we took time off from work and dedicated ourselves to finishing it. Once again, Dart and the TKO manual disagreed. I was adamant that Dart was doing it wrong. However, it turned out he was right. The diagram showed the little guy backwards, to indicate the work was being done inside. You’d have to see it, but, yes, I apologized.

The shed, now complete, was worth all of the hard work and effort.

I’d like to see that young woman with the immovable scarf who helped assemble it indoors on the video, come to Florida and try it. It’s safe to say that, at the very least, her scarf would move. She would also be drenched in sweat, cursing like a sailor, and threatening to shove the instruction manual where the sun don’t shine.

Commiseration with "I am grateful now f* off"

I'm a mother of two grown sons, and after I read a blog post titled "I am grateful now fuck off" I had to share this.

     I tell this true story to both of my grown sons about a time in their infancy. Yes, it happened twice.

***

     You were just over a year old. I worked a full time job, and had all of the other responsibilities that go with being a young wife and mother.

     In the course of two weeks, because of you, no one in the house had slept more than three hours straight. Your wails at two a.m. were the stuff of legend! We visited the doctor, only to be told it’s "a phase", and you would grow out of it. In the meantime, sleep deprivation had started taking its toll on me.

     On one late night/early morning wake up scream, you’d been changed, fed, rocked, sang to, and pleaded with, all to the ear splitting screeches of your protests. At one point, I held you at arm’s length to protect myself from your furiously kicking feet. Your face became fire-engine red as you inhaled for another round of gut wrenching, head spinning, glass-shattering screams.

     “What?” I howled in frustration. “The doctor said there’s nothing wrong!” At that point, I had an Ally McBeal moment.

     50-somethings will recognize this reference. For those younger, let’s call it a Scrubs moment.

     In my mind’s eye, in the midst of the screeching, and kicking, and tears (mine), a barbaric roar escapes my lips as I hurl you into the wall above your bed. A cartoon outline remains in the drywall as you fall face-first into your crib.

     Reality flash. I’m still holding you aloft, you’re still screaming. I lay you, ever so gently, into your bed, and walk away, closing the door behind me.

     You screamed for another ten minutes, alone in the dark, my heart breaking for you, and the horribly funny image still burned in my mind. Then your screams turned to whimpers, your whimpers slowly falling to silence.

     Shhh! The baby’s sleeping! I thought to myself as I danced up and down the hallway at four in the morning. As I laid in my bed later, the crushing guilt of what I'd thought while holding my screeching infant made me feel like a monster.

     I called my mom the next day and told her the story of my disturbing fantasy. She laughed and told me I should be grateful that I have kids with healthy lungs. Standing three hundred miles away from her, I threw her from the top of the Empire State Building.

     I tell you this story to let you know, those Ally McBeal moments are okay. It’s even okay to be frustrated to the point of wishing you never had kids. And, if you ever stand in their room at two in the morning, feeling like throwing them into a wall, just lay them down gently, and walk away.

     You can be grateful later.

The Roller Coaster called Kindle

It’s here! Click the link to continue the saga...

McShane Mini-Mystery Series Volume 3 – Hurricane or Homicide

And the compilation — The Trilogy of Thrills

    Originally, I created the lead character of the McShane Mini-Mystery Series, Summer Autumn McShane, as practice for the intricacies of self-publishing through kindle. What a roller-coaster. Hair-pulling frustration at its depth, and mind-spinning elation at its peak, the ride is not for the easily intimidated. No matter what the writer’s writing for writers writing say, it can be a real nightmare.

     As I said in my last post, I love to write. The newest wrinkle in a successful career, however, is the ability to also understand a certain level of computer programming. Oh, and marketing. We can't forget the marketing. And don't lose sight all of this is moot if you haven't the basic talent to tell a story people might find interesting enough to read (and hopefully, to pay for).

     I am self-taught. Never having taken a formal writing course may, or may not, be evident. Still, I have had lots of informal guidance from very learned sources (and tons of kudo’s).

     There are three books to the McShane series, and I’ve learned so much from them. I’ve even gone so far as to combine them, complete with inserted graphics, and upload the entire thing as The Trilogy of Thrills.

     Apparently the combo sent my kindle account into a tail spin. The next evening I checked my books, and the texts of the four books had gotten switched between the covers. I don’t want to know what kind of party the Amazon AI’s were having which resulted in that. Ignorance is bliss, and all.

     At a gathering of friends recently, I tried to explain all that I’ve been through with kindle. One acquaintance said, Oh, I thought you just wrote a book and handed it off to someone else to upload. *sigh*  Not a lot of people understand self-publishing.

     Anyway, I hope you’ll give in to the temptation and check out the links above. Ms. McShane has become so much more to me than practice. She has grown off the page and demanded to be heard. And I am having a blast learning from her.

     Enjoy the trilogy for a buck off through 3/3/2015. And as you read, imagine the fun I had until two a.m. clearing my head and un-clenching my stomach after a ride on the Roller Coaster Kindle.