I am republishing this post (original post August 6, 2012) in celebration of
-
Supreme
Court delivers wins for gay marriage movement
The court’s decision was a small step in the
right direction. If you choose to read the article in the link above, you'll see how the court side-stepped major points. I still think the following is a better option.
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Note: There are a few lines here you might find
glib, but understand I wrote it with a (somewhat) humorous slant.
Get a CLUE
Or: A five-step solution to the Gay Marriage debate (in 500 words or less)
I won’t
bore you as to how we, as a people, arrived at this juncture. I’ll get straight
to it. We have divined a smooth solution to the otherwise divided rocky road
‘marriage’ has become.
On the
side of heterosexuality are those who lay claim of the Divine ordination of one
man, and one woman to constitute a marriage. They also legitimately point to
scripture that strictly state the sin of homosexuality. It’s a religious thing.
Check.
On the
side of homosexuality are the men and women who want the legal (federal) right
to be acknowledged as a couple. However, since nothing is simple when it comes
to legalities in today’s society, that acknowledgment would constitute
incorporating the rights reserved strictly to heterosexuals when it comes to
government-recognized relationships. For instance, ownership of property,
insurance, wills, family titles, etc. It’s a legal thing. Check.
So, how
do we marry these two opposing forces? In the same manner all oppositions are
resolved. Compromise.
We submit
our suggestion: Civil Licensed Union (with) Expiration, or CLUE.
While it
will not replace marriage as a religious institution, it will replace the
legalities of a recognized union. If you get married without a CLUE, then yours
won’t be a legal entity in the eyes of the law. Because marriage is a term
coined from religious minds and, as everyone knows, the government stays out of
our churches (that’s a debate for another time, people!). This is how a CLUE
would be broken down in 500 words or less.
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Civil Licensed Union (with) Expiration
Heretofore referenced as CLUE
1
st Two people meet and
fall in love (or whatever). It doesn’t matter if they are man, woman, black,
white, or green with purple polka dots. Two people of adult age and possessing
the proper mental capacity to enter into a binding union, may. Sorry, this does
exclude Martians, Saturnians, dogs, cats, livestock or any other non-human
species. We do have to set standards.
2
nd Once their decision
to get a CLUE is made, they must decide how long a CLUE they want. It would be
offered in increments of one, two, five, eight, ten and twenty years. Of course
the biggest leap would be the CLUE of a lifetime. Be aware, a CLUE cannot be
annulled, discarded or otherwise dissolved prior to the expiration date.
Period.
3
rd The couple must
appear in person at the Clerk of the Circuit Court to complete the CLUE
application and be witnessed by a government official. This document would
replace the marriage license of old. The cost increases with the length of time
desired. The shorter the time frame, the cheaper the license. Each applicant
must complete his or her own addendum (CLUE-A and CLUE-B) to list every
possession owned prior to the CLUE process. No duplications (shared possessions)
shall be included.
4
th When the CLUE app
is completed and approved, notarized, appropriate fees paid and submitted, the
government will then recognize the CLUE these two people share. That
recognition will come with every legal right now afforded ‘married’
individuals.
5
th The renewal of a
CLUE must be made in the presence of the Clerk of the Circuit Court prior to
its expiration date. Any possessions acquired during the previous CLUE must be
added to the appropriate owner’s addendum. Once the renewal CLUE app is
completed and approved, notarized, appropriate fees paid and submitted, the
government will then continue to recognize the CLUE these two people share.
But, what
happens if a couple decide the CLUE was a bad decision? Maybe they thought they
wanted to get a CLUE, but after six months of a year long CLUE, they want out?
No
problem. They simply do not renew their CLUE. They cannot be CLUE’d with
another person until the expiration of their current (sorry, lifers) and any
possession whose ownership was not listed in the addendum's and is in dispute
must be sold and the profit split two ways. No divorce court, no settlement
disputes, and no alimony. You had a CLUE and now it’s expired. Deal with it.
Children
are another addendum. If a child is conceived or adopted during a CLUE period,
Addendum C (CLUE-C) must be completed. The signature of the child’s responsible
parental units, agreeing to terms of custody and monetary support should the CLUE
expire prior to the child becoming of legal age, will be filed immediately.
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So concludes our proposal for “A five step solution to the Gay Marriage
debate (in 500 words or less).”
After all, marriage is a private club with specific membership requirements.
Stop trying to sue your way into it. It’s time for the government to get a
clue, so we can get a CLUE.
